Christmas Cake

oxy · 22-Dec-2004, 15:37

yes i know its older than time itself but it still makes me smile

CHRISTMAS CAKE INGREDIENTS:

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
nuts
2 bottles Vodka (or maybe more?)
2 cups of dried fruit

METHOD:
Sample the vodka to check quality.

Take a large bowl, check the vodka again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point it's best to make sure the vodka is shtill OK. Try another cup .... just in case.

Turn off the mixerer.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick fruit off floor.

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.

Next, shift two cups of salt. Or something. Who gives! hz a **** .

Check the vodka.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the cat.

CHERRY MISTMAS!

D33 · 22-Dec-2004, 15:47

lol, made me laugh

the funkmaster · 22-Dec-2004, 15:48

Gotta give that a try

Jim · 22-Dec-2004, 15:57

Emailed it to my mum, thats the sort of thing she'd love and send to all her little e-buddies. ta mate

[n00b].eesh. · 22-Dec-2004, 16:15

GroovYF · 22-Dec-2004, 16:22

Hah. Not seen that before

Drkwoman · 22-Dec-2004, 17:39

haha, nice one

oxy · 22-Dec-2004, 17:48

oo ta muchly on the ol repping from peeps

notice the 4th similar thread almost posted exactly a year ago ... thou i got mine in a email this morning

Heartwork · 22-Dec-2004, 22:57

damn, i want my rep back

oxy · 22-Dec-2004, 23:16

its mine all mine muhahahahahh

Limey · 23-Dec-2004, 01:59

i knew this already
tis teh funneh .. *chuckles*

D-VoiD · 23-Dec-2004, 13:25

that's my kind of cooking

Blood God · 23-Dec-2004, 23:24

heard it before, but still amusing...

good job i don't cook really, it'd probably turn out like that (especially given my habit of setting off the smoke alarm in our house -- its too sensitive i tell you)

D-VoiD · 24-Dec-2004, 15:16

sorry Blood god i have tried that excuse myself too often to believe you

[!$$ueS] · 25-Dec-2004, 02:12

Nit heard veforer though it made me laff.

oxy · 11-Dec-2006, 18:43

Back for another round

22-Dec-2004, 15:37	#1
oxy "this can't end well" Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: London Posts: 2,725	Christmas Cake yes i know its older than time itself but it still makes me smile CHRISTMAS CAKE INGREDIENTS: 1 cup of water 1 tsp baking soda 1 cup of sugar 1 tsp salt 1 cup of brown sugar lemon juice 4 large eggs nuts 2 bottles Vodka (or maybe more?) 2 cups of dried fruit METHOD: Sample the vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the vodka again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the vodka is shtill OK. Try another cup .... just in case. Turn off the mixerer. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick fruit off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity. Next, shift two cups of salt. Or something. Who gives! hz a **** . Check the vodka. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the cat. CHERRY MISTMAS! __________________ "And the lord said unto John; come forth and recieve eternal life." But John came 5th and won a toaster.

22-Dec-2004, 15:47	#2
D33 teh fux? Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Exeter, UK Posts: 9,329	lol, made me laugh __________________ Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

22-Dec-2004, 15:48	#3
the funkmaster posts sponsored by spam Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Uppsala, Sweden Posts: 7,008	Gotta give that a try __________________ While I was doing that, you know, all the kissing on the honey lips, it burned like fire, and it reminded me of cheap melting plastic. The kind that makes little clouds of white vapour gas and when it catches on fire, makes those little... little strings of black smoke with little ashes attached to them. That's how it was, kissing honey lips.

22-Dec-2004, 15:57	#4
Jim runs the company firewall Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 11,337	Emailed it to my mum, thats the sort of thing she'd love and send to all her little e-buddies. ta mate __________________ I voted "Permanent ban - 2008"

22-Dec-2004, 16:22	#6
GroovYF Octave Doctor Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Halifax Posts: 20,187	Hah. Not seen that before __________________ "Keep smiling, life is so short and tears are valuable water resources which we need to hang on to" - S I swear, I died inside that night... I contemplated an awful thing, I hate to admit the muse - blog ::: photoblog

22-Dec-2004, 16:15	#5
[n00b].eesh. pfft Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: North Posts: 6,006

22-Dec-2004, 17:39	#7
Drkwoman topic of the pops Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: In a house Posts: 2,264	haha, nice one __________________ World of Warcraft - Outland (PvP) Darque - 80 Priest

22-Dec-2004, 17:48	#8
oxy "this can't end well" Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: London Posts: 2,725	oo ta muchly on the ol repping from peeps notice the 4th similar thread almost posted exactly a year ago ... thou i got mine in a email this morning __________________ "And the lord said unto John; come forth and recieve eternal life." But John came 5th and won a toaster.

22-Dec-2004, 22:57	#9
Heartwork Hamish McJewstein Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: guadalajara Posts: 26,744	damn, i want my rep back __________________ Current Song of Win: Rammstein - Roter Sand

22-Dec-2004, 23:16	#10
oxy "this can't end well" Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: London Posts: 2,725	its mine all mine muhahahahahh __________________ "And the lord said unto John; come forth and recieve eternal life." But John came 5th and won a toaster.

23-Dec-2004, 01:59	#11
Limey troll Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: NL Posts: 240	i knew this already tis teh funneh .. chuckles __________________ http://www.dragonslegend.net/banners/Tbanner.jpg

23-Dec-2004, 13:25	#12
D-VoiD old git Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: UK Posts: 3,595	that's my kind of cooking __________________ Faeces occurs

23-Dec-2004, 23:24	#13
Blood God Destroyer of economies Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Bruce's Bar and Grill, London Posts: 6,554	heard it before, but still amusing... good job i don't cook really, it'd probably turn out like that (especially given my habit of setting off the smoke alarm in our house -- its too sensitive i tell you)

24-Dec-2004, 15:16	#14
D-VoiD old git Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: UK Posts: 3,595	sorry Blood god i have tried that excuse myself too often to believe you __________________ Faeces occurs

25-Dec-2004, 02:12	#15
[!$$ueS] if thread.newpost then postreply(); Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: UK Posts: 4,971	Nit heard veforer though it made me laff. __________________ The waiting drove me mad... you're finally here and I'm a mess I take your entrance back... can't let you roam inside my head I don't want to take what you can give... I would rather starve than eat your bread... I would rather run but I can't walk... Guess I'll lie alone just like before... Pearl Jam - Corduroy

11-Dec-2006, 18:43	#16
oxy "this can't end well" Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: London Posts: 2,725	Back for another round __________________ "And the lord said unto John; come forth and recieve eternal life." But John came 5th and won a toaster.