Murphy's Law of CoH Online, Compilation of random truths!

[Big Bopper]

Stolen from another forum:


1. Pioneers only come with two guys per squad 'cause they're buff and fearless. That's why you can expect to lose your whole squad of engineers when you jump them from behind cover.

2. Knight's Cross Holders are a sham. The real heroes are retired, but you can hire their stunt doubles for 390 MP and watch them get pinned by BARs in 2-3 salvos.

3. When you're flanking an MG with riflemen, there's always that one guy that has to trail off to the side on his own. He's there to draw the fire while the other five hit the MG. Sadly, the rest of the squad feels so bad for him taking hits that they all hit the dirt on his behalf and proceed to be pinned anyhow.

4. Your tanks will only reverse properly when they're being slammed by AP AT shells and are going to die regardless. Otherwise, they are perfectly content to turn around, shake their booty, and attempt to drive off into the wild blue yonder.

5. When you have an MG in the building, it will always target the fearsome engineer standing behind cover 100 yards out. There is nothing to worry about from the six guys with guns that're rushing with primed grenades.

6. When you are rushing an MG in a building, realize that the bullets are intelligent - they are triggered to wait until your grenade/panzershreck are drawn and then instantly gib the target before it fires. Avoid garrisoned MGs at all costs.

7. Wooden barrels are tougher than they look, they're strategically filled with concrete (hence they block at least one tiger shot inbound to allied units behind them).

8. All AT weapon crews were trained at the Hokey Pokey school, hence they turn themselves completely around for a 10-degree adjustment.

9. When flanking vehicles with panzerfausts, the rocket will always be drawn by that one guy (similar to the allied MG fire drawer) sitting 20 yards in front of the vehicle whilst the remainder of the squad is flanking.

10. Volksgrenadiers will do anything for the Fatherland, including hurling themselves into the treads of oncoming traffic in attempt to slow them down. Use near vehicles with caution.

11. Your squads have a sixth sense known as "maximum cinematic effect." For example, watch how they will subconsciously bundle up and huddle all close together when they're moments from being blown to bits by a mine.

12. Don't even bother covering your sniper with an MG or squad or retreating him. Even if you kill the jeep/motorcycle, the very last shot will always kill your sniper regardless.

13. BARs are pure intimidation at 100 yards. Having your guy on the MG pinned in awe is completely understandable.

14. Your engineer/pioneer units always know exactly which side of the barbed wire you want them to end up on when they're finished (if you don't specifically micro the last stretch). They will always end up on the opposite of that side.

15. Only your tanks will hit your tanks. Lining the enemy up to where one unit has to fire through the other does not work because the enemy will always have friendly fire safe railguns.

16. The firestorm will take so long to arrive that not only has the enemy moved out of the way, but the war has ended and families have settled on the former battlefield years later.

17. Tank crews like to gather for parties hence morphing with eachother on the road and sitting there for minutes until you micro each one a different way and break em' up.

18. Whenever a Flakpanzer or 88 shoots down a bomber, The bomber will crash into it and destroy it.

19. A tank's worst enemy is the buildings around it, it will make its #1 priority to hit as many obstacles as it can before it reaches its destination (regardless of the road 2foot away from it).

20. Registered artillery is such a courteous ability that it will drop it's flares AFTER your entire squad has been wiped from the face of the earth.

21. Riflemen are so macho they will abandon any heavy cover one orders them behind, but aren't macho enough to stop running around and start actually shooting the enemy.

22. Jeeps, though they have a 30. Caliber mounted Machine Gun, capable of arching in a 360 degree angle, will only fire within a 90 degree arch. Speculation into the subject has revealed a Homeronian (See Simpson) philosophy of 'If I can't see it, it's not real'

23. You try hard to retreat your MG but only thing he does is mount again and get killed...

24. Tanks crews are like monster truck drivers. They love driving through walls, over hills, and pretty much anything else that will slow them down. Especially when they are trying to escape.

[ReichSteadyCrew]

4. Your tanks will only reverse properly when they're being slammed by AP AT shells and are going to die regardless. Otherwise, they are perfectly content to turn around, shake their booty, and attempt to drive off into the wild blue yonder.

fuckin pisses me off so much! "Turn round instead of leaving your weak arse exposed" should be a command bar button

[RAPTOR192]

Originally Posted by Big Bopper

16. The firestorm will take so long to arrive that not only has the enemy moved out of the way, but the war has ended and families have settled on the former battlefield years later.

[Big D]

Originally Posted by Big Bopper

14. Your engineer/pioneer units always know exactly which side of the barbed wire you want them to end up on when they're finished (if you don't specifically micro the last stretch). They will always end up on the opposite of that side.

so so true, like most of them