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Old 23-Apr-2006, 12:56   #1
stepper
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World cup rules for women.

Ladies, please study and accommodate your other halves...

Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives,
girlfriends, fiancés,
mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women in
general) These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in
June/July this year...

List Of Rules.

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the
newspaper so that you are
aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be
able to join in the
conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad
way, or you will be
totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any
exceptions. If you even
take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as
long as you do it
crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand
nude in front of the TV,
make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont
have time to take you
to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a
refill of my drink or
something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to
you, open the door, answer
the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second
floor....it wont happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the
fridge at all times, as well
as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to
my friends when they
come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV
between 12am and 6am,
unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is
losing, DO NOT say "get
over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you
say these things, you
will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never
ever know more about
football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead
to a break up or
divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me
during halftime but only
when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me.
In addition, please note
I am saying "one"
game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time
together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen
them or I haven't seen
them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related
parties or gatherings that
requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a
game, we will be there
in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as
important as the games
themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen
this...why don't you change
the channel to something we can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to
Rule #2 of this list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World
Cup is only every 4
years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions
League, Italian League,
Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Regards,
Men of the World
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Old 23-Apr-2006, 12:59   #2
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