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Old 11-Jun-2004, 13:44   #1
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Amusing News

Too much seriousness makes Matt a dull boy. May I suggest a fark-esque thread of amusing news? Everything welcome - especially dodgy local rags.

I'd like to start with;

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/06..._mugger_cheap/

Quote:
Muggers refuse to nick crap mobile phone
By Tim Richardson
Published Friday 11th June 2004 09:59 GMT

Muggers in South Africa handed back an Alcatel mobile phone while robbing two terrified women - because they refused to thieve "cheap stuff".

Two men with knives accosted the women while they were out walking in Port Elizabeth. They threatened them with the knives and demanded they hand over their jewellery and mobile phones.

But the women were stunned when the muggers refused to take one of the handsets. Victim Tandeka Mazwane, told the Cape Times: "We were so scared, but even more surprised when they looked at her Alcatel phone and threw it back at her, saying they don't take cheap stuff." ®

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Old 11-Jun-2004, 13:46   #2
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Mary Poppins stunt lands man in hospital

A man in China ended up in hospital after he tried to use his umbrella as a makeshift parachute.

The man, from Chonqing, western China, is believed to have suffered two broken legs, reports West China City News.

He told police he jumped out of the window because he thought his microwave oven was about to explode.

He had thought that the umbrella would enable him to land safely - like Mary Poppins in the Disney children's film.

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_983923.html?menu=
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Old 15-Jun-2004, 19:15   #3
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http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/3806299.stm
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Old 16-Jun-2004, 13:24   #4
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Another issue is accidental calls from mobiles. In 2003, the Met received about 70,000 of those, which all required follow-up from officers to ensure that they were indeed mistakes - calls accidentally dialled from phones in purses or pockets.

Sorry, that is utter fucking bollocks.
About 6 times in the last two months my phone has dialled 999 while it`s been in my pocket and NOT ONCE have i received a call back saying, "Are you hurt or are you sitting on your fucking phone, you tit?"

Anyone actually had a call back asking if they`re genuinely in need of 999?
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Old 16-Jun-2004, 13:26   #5
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Originally Posted by Izzanbaad
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Another issue is accidental calls from mobiles. In 2003, the Met received about 70,000 of those, which all required follow-up from officers to ensure that they were indeed mistakes - calls accidentally dialled from phones in purses or pockets.

Sorry, that is utter ****ing bollocks.
About 6 times in the last two months my phone has dialled 999 while it`s been in my pocket and NOT ONCE have i received a call back saying, "Are you hurt or are you sitting on your ****ing phone, you tit?"

Anyone actually had a call back asking if they`re genuinely in need of 999?
I've had calls asking if I want 69...

/coat
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Old 16-Jun-2004, 13:26   #6
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We had a fault on our ntl line once and it would dial 112 or something. Apparantly this is something the police respond to. We had police call round 3 times over a couple of days and nearly broke the door down at one point
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Old 16-Jun-2004, 13:27   #7
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112 is the international emergency number which will work on mobiles abroad too. It patches into the local emergency services.
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Old 16-Jun-2004, 13:32   #8
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I regularly had to call 121 on my pre- T-Mobile phone.

/coat?
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Old 16-Jun-2004, 13:36   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Izzanbaad
Anyone actually had a call back asking if they`re genuinely in need of 999?
No, because I've never managed to do that with my phones. Maybe I don't sit on them. (I have called the first entry in the phone book by accident a few times though...which is why I now have a blank entry for AAAA...)

But a collegue at work a few days ago mentioned it had happend to him (the call back from the police).
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Old 16-Jun-2004, 13:37   #10
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My phone has this revolutionary new device. It's called "lock keypad." What it is, right, is where you lock it, right, and then, if the buttons are pressed, they dont dial a number. Amazing!
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Old 16-Jun-2004, 13:38   #11
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pitty you can still dial 999 with the keypad locked on some phones though...!
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Old 16-Jun-2004, 13:39   #12
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Mine's revolutionary though, it lets you die!
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Old 16-Jun-2004, 13:40   #13
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Try 112
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Old 16-Jun-2004, 13:41   #14
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OK that one works
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Old 16-Jun-2004, 22:13   #15
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http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm...=news.quirkies
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Old 16-Jun-2004, 22:14   #16
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Does 112 get through to your local police station then ?
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Old 16-Jun-2004, 22:15   #17
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OK so which one of you is he?

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm...=news.quirkies

I suspect Maj' after seeing his "voyuer" thread.
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Old 16-Jun-2004, 22:40   #18
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http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/Central/0....ap/index.html

This is hilaaarious!!
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Old 16-Jun-2004, 22:45   #19
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Does 112 get through to your local police station then ?
I think it links to the nearest control centre
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Old 18-Jun-2004, 10:24   #20
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http://www.thisisnorthscotland.co.uk...entPK=10330216
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what you say doesn't count for shit because you rely on quotes from websites that are obviously biased
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Old 18-Jun-2004, 10:38   #21
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Quote:
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Nine million bees? I'm surprised someone didn't get killed!
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Old 18-Jun-2004, 11:52   #22
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Yeh, me too. Me dad was pollarding a tree by a river bank one day, and cut down a wasp's nest. He got stung 55 times down one side, which laid him out for four days. Nasty.
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Old 18-Jun-2004, 16:50   #23
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http://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/06..._cctv_cameras/

utter beauty.
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Old 18-Jun-2004, 19:28   #24
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Originally Posted by Norfolk'n'Clue
Yeh, me too. Me dad was pollarding a tree by a river bank one day, and cut down a wasp's nest. He got stung 55 times down one side, which laid him out for four days. Nasty.
Heh, I had to look up the word "pollarding"
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Old 18-Jun-2004, 21:47   #25
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hitting a tree with Sue Pollard isnt it?
*thwack* 'hi-di-ho' *thwack*
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Old 19-Jun-2004, 05:44   #26
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could we hit sue pollard with the tree?
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Old 19-Jun-2004, 10:10   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inertiaman
http://www.thisisnorthscotland.co.uk/displayNode.jsp?nodeId=149235&command=displayC ontent&sourceNode=149218&contentPK=1033021 6
saw that in the Metro the other day. fantastic stuff
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Old 21-Jun-2004, 16:37   #28
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"Watch me shag this Traffic cone lads!"

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Old 22-Jun-2004, 07:05   #29
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Two particularly fine sentences in that report:

"...with previous convictions that include simulating sex with a training shoe in a public place."

and:

"His lawyer Andy Gilbertson had argued that his act had been like a piece of Edinburgh Fringe street theatre..."

quality.
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Old 23-Jun-2004, 15:58   #30
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Some quality letters in el Reg regarding biometric digital rights management. The premise being that you buy itunes or whatever and bind them to your fingerprint. Needless to say it's gone down like a lead balloon.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/06...ters_drm_2306/
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